Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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