she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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