I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
