i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
