you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
