btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
