he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
