thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
