Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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