How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize