he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
