Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
