i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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