When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
