What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
