Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
