Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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