Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
