Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
