yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
