you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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