the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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