I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
whose parrot is this?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
