At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
