after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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