We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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