My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
