i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was like eating out sand paper
im holly from the hills drunk
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Randomize
