so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
True strength comes from lack of pants
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
