Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
