Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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