what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
