wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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