i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
