So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
