Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
