he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Someone came in the potted fern
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize