you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
