do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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