I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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