and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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