I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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