I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
