Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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