Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
