I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
