I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
