I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
