Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
