Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
