Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
