if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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