Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just high enough for therapy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
