Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
