When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His nipple licking is glorious
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