I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
