i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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