You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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