every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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