If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
