I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
