ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
