U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
