just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
