Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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