Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
