Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
