I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize