so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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