now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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