my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
