so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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