i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
