Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
