Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize