her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
