Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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