The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So vagazzling was a success
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
