Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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