tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
