I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
