were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this boner is exhausting
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
